Social Media Requires Social Graces
Who is the Emily Post for social media? Not me! But I’ll take a shot at answering a question from my e-mailbag that seems more apt for Emily Post or Miss Manners than yours truly.
Here’s the Q:
I’ve had a few people contact me in Facebook asking to be “friends”, whom I have never met, but I think they found me because we have similar/the same interests, political views, etc. How do you handle such requests? -Puzzled Palster
Here’s my new age Emily-Postish, Miss Manners-y Answer:
Dear Puzzled Palster:
When I get FaceBook and LinkedIn requests like these, I usually ask,
“Please refresh my memory. How do we know each other?”
Nine times out of ten, the person writes back something like, “Oh! We don’t know each other. Never met. But I read your blog/ follow you on Twitter / think you’re interesting / notice that we have similar passions — and thought you might like to connect.”
You see what happened here?
It’s called a conversation. And it’s a key skill to hone when participating within social media channels.
Remember the “social” part of social media. Good manners and providing conversation starters are a big deal, socially.
Personalize first. Of course, it is far preferable if the person who wants to become your friend includes a bit of personalization in the first place. A conversation starter, so to speak. Both FaceBook and LinkedIn let people personalize invitations to friend or connect.
If you want to be social, be personal & personable. Be polite. Get the conversational ball rolling.
Not just once in a while.
Be personal and polite, 100% of the time.
Here’s how personalization looks in LinkedIn:
…and here’s how it looks in FaceBook:
You’ll notice that my FaceBook request to Guy also lets me add him to a “Presentation” list. Now, I’ve never met Guy Kawasaki in person, but I’m a fan of his work. And I’m happy that he chose to add my other blog (More Than PowerPoint) to the public speaking category of his Alltop site. So, if Mr. Kawasaki chooses to accept my friend request, it’s filed under my “Presentation” connections. My high school chums, local gal pals, college buddies, and business associates each get different personalized requests, and are filed quite differently.
Now, the personalization feature isn’t the only way to make your social media invitations personal. I’m often quite pleased to get phone calls from friends. They go something like this,
“Hey, Laura. I see that you’re on LinkedIn. If I send you an invite will you connect? And how about getting together for lunch or coffee?”
Some folks just aren’t writers, you see. They’re talkers and drinkers and eaters.
They’re social.
So, if you’re going to use social media tools to connect, don’t forget to use your real life social skills! Conversations are key — and good manners count for quite a bit in social media. Personalization isn’t tough or time-consuming: and it helps build and nuture relationships.
But just who IS the Emily Post for Social Media?
Dealing with Boorish Messages from Strangers
I walked to the mail box with a garbage bag in my hand. I was going to simply toss my trash in the dumpster, but the mail woman was driving up to my mail box, so I walked out to retrieve my mail with my sack.
The mail lady handed me my mail. I set the bag down, and quickly sifted through my stack. Within seconds, over 90% of my mail ended up in my garbage sack.
The postal worker seemed outraged.
“That’s just rude,” she chastised. “Advertisers spend good money to create that mail. Then they pay to have ME deliver it. And then, you don’t even have the decency to read it! After all the time and trouble they went through! You’ve got a lot of nerve just tearing it up and throwing it away right in front of my face. You have ZERO manners. ZERO!”
I laughed at first, because I thought she was kidding.
She wasn’t. My mail person was truly offended by my behavior.
photo credit: metropolart
Going postal. Fearing the violent reputation of many mail workers, I simply nodded and walked off with my remaining mail. And my garbage bag.
Thankfully, she didn’t shoot me as I tossed my garbage in the dumpster.
No sense in arguing. We all know what junk mail looks like without a thorough inspection. It didn’t take me more than a few seconds of thoughtless processing to deal with slick visual come-ons from people I don’t know, with offers I don’t want.
I dump most junk mail on automatic pilot. I’m sure most of us do.
Visually, all junk mail looks pretty much the same. We know to chuck it, unread.
And when we’re tricked into spending a few seconds opening a piece that turns out to be junk, we feel annoyed — before we toss it.
So what’s worse? Is it really bad manners to IGNORE boorish messages from strangers? Or is it bad manners to SEND boorish messages to strangers?
Who are your REAL friends?
Are you a social media bigot? Years ago, I remember watching a public service announcement on TV. A worried little boy was talking to his grandfather. The conversation went something like this:
Boy: “Grandpa, Billy said I was prejudiced.”
Grandpa: “Who’s Billy?”
Boy: “Billy is my Jewish friend.”
Grandpa: “Billy’s right. you ARE prejudiced.”
Boy: “Why?”
Grandpa: “Because you think of him as “Jewish” before you think of him as a “friend.”
The PSA closed — as they almost always do — with a calm, authoritative voice reminding us to fight racism and bigotry, one conversation at a time. And of course, the de rigueur little PSA musical tail…
So, it’s with a heavy heart that I must admit that I’m a social media bigot.
You see, I’ve been calling folks “My Twitter Friend” or “My FaceBook Friend”.
Like they’re not my real friends. Like we haven’t had adventures together, or bonded over ideas, or shared stories.
Like they’re not my real friends at all. As if connecting over similar interests and sharing multi-layered conversations aren’t enough to make someone a REAL friend. Like my friends are just electrodes or robots or something.
I’ve had some pretty amazing, meaningful conversations and collaborations — with people I have never met in person.
And I’ve had some pretty superficial exchanges with folks I’ve known for years.
Who are your REAL friends?
Two Easy Wordle Website Branding Excercises
I’ve been noodling with the delightful Wordle.net application for a few months now. Initially, I used Wordle to create word clouds that I use as art in PowerPoint presentations.
For example, I entered my opening remarks on a presentation about Social Media for Business, and Wordle generated a unique and relevant welcome slide image. The main subject of the presentation “pops” — with supporting words adding meaningful visual subtext.
Two More Reasons Web Marketers Will Love Wordle. Since my initial Wordle experiment, I’ve managed to find two other terrific web marketing uses for this simply delicious product:
- Try the Eye-Popping Web Copy Exercise. On occasion, prospects will call to tell me that they’re all about “enter product / service here“. When I go to visit their websites, however — I often struggle to find any words that support their claims! So, when I enter web page copy into Wordle — and the name of the product doesn’t “pop” — I have a visual demonstration of a potential copy writing problem that may be damaging to web marketing success. Try this exercise with your own website!
- Dig the Most Amazing Brand Exercise Ever. Ah, the pricey “brand brainstorming” mission. Ad agencies generate Scotch-fueled words to present as your new corporate “vision and values statement” or “the cornerstone of brand messaging”. Rubbish. Instead of disconnecting from your customers, use your customers’ very words to discover your REAL brand image, as it exists today. Pump your latest testimonials and product reviews into Wordle. Which words pop? (That’s your real brand, not something made-up and wildly out-of-touch with reality.)
Brand Reality Check. As a personal example, I popped in my LinkedIn recommendations and a few offline testimonials I’ve received for my own, personal “Laura Bergells Brand” reality check. You can see the results below. I’m a smidge dismayed by the hugeness of the word “work”. I always thought my work product appeared playful and effortless.
Turns out, I’m delusional.
I’m also alarmed that the word “creative” is absent — but the words “hand” and “months” are in there — eh? It appears I have some work to do on my image!
Sales psychology 101. If you use your customers’ words in your messaging, you’re more likely to resonate positively with your audience. You’ll be in harmony. You’ll also appear more authentic and credible. Trustworthy.
All these qualities are important for online marketing!
What creative uses have you found for using Wordle? If you have a Wordle brand exercise or other creative use you’d like to share, point me to it!
The 5 Warning Signs of Social Media Smarm
Have I got a deal for you! I’m so excited……
I can’t tell you the details here, but it will be very high profile, and the launch involves social media.
Because you’re an influential blogger, we’d like your involvement in the roll out.
IM me!
How to recognize social media spam when you read it. Sometimes, I get clownish invites like the above garbage. It reads an awful lot like spam, but it’s actually a newish scourge — social media spam.
photo credit: $arah Murray
Do we need to coin a new word for the phenomenon?
How about smam?
Or smarm? (For now, I’ll go with the smarm.)
Here are the five warning signs that signal…
“You’ve Got Smarm!”
1. No trust. We all know how we get real deals going — we pick up the phone or email our friends, partners, and colleagues. We don’t coyly tell our friends that we can’t tell them any details — because we’re talking privately to people we know and trust. It’s kind of the whole point of social networks — that trust factor!
2. The coy hinting. When you have a real business opportunity, you get to the point — fast. You describe the product, problem, solution, technology, team, roll-out, etc. Details help you grow the idea. Hiding the details is a big red warning flag — either the writer a) doesn’t know the details, b) doesn’t have any details, c) is ashamed of the details. Each situation signals a loser.
3. The flattery. Smarm pitches always blow a little flattery your way. You’re handsome, smart, funny, high-profile, influential — oh, it’s all true, don’t get me wrong! But you’re also smart enough to know that too many sugar plums aren’t good for you. And when they’re laid on that thick, they may be a wee bit psychologically manipulative.
4. The entitled demand. Smarmers use phrases like, “We should talk. IM me now!” They rarely use polite phrases like “I’d like to talk. When’s a good time?” Bottom line: when anyone tells me I “should” do something — I usually don’t. (Mom and Dad get a pass on this one. A smarmer doesn’t.)
5. It’s often oh-so public. The smarmer will often write their post on your FaceBook wall. Or on Twitter. Or even try it as a blog comment, hoping you won’t delete it because of the flattery factor. That way, all of your friends and followers can see it, and might assume you’re in some kind of deeper business relationship. The coyness, the entitled demands, the flattery — turns out none of it was for your benefit. It was merely a pathetic attempt to reach your social network through insinuation.
Be warned — Post some dreck like that on my FaceBook wall, and I’m going to unfriend, fast! Post something like that at Twitter, and I’m going to @ reply, unfollow, block, and point followers to this very post, and out the smarmer.
Because smarmers aren’t really friends, now, are they?
Smarmy.
How do you handle smarm?
The Ten Behavioral and Emotional Stages of Twitter
In one week, I will celebrate my one-year Twitterversary. I began what I called my “Twitter Challenge” about a year ago. 
With close to 1,500 Tweets and almost 200 followers (well, until Twitter ate most of them yesterday, anyway!) I reckon that I’ve gone through different behavior and emotional stages of Twittering over the past year.
Please note: I’m not a psychologist. I don’t even play one on TV. I’m writing this post from personal experience, only. Never mind my Bachelor’s degrees in sociology and telecommunications (which oddly enough, might be a terrif set of degrees for becoming a social media media consultant, what with the “social” and “communications” components in each study area).
What you’re about to read is here pure, extended Twitter Drivel. (It might even be Digg or Stumble worthy. Hint, hint.)
The Ten Behavioral and Emotional Stages of Twitter
- This is stupid. Don’t get it. Talking to an empty room about what you had for lunch. What’s the point?
- Connecting with a few friends. Writing witty observations called twitticisms. Feeling simultaneously like a new age Oscar Wilde and a Twittering, jabbering idiot.
- Connecting with the friends of friends. Comfortably expanding your social network with quasi-familiars.
- Tentatively entering conversations with people you’ve eavesdropped upon who seem interesting.
- Following the people with whom you’ve entered into engaging dialogue.
- Blushing with pleasure when these amazing people follow you back.
- Buoyed with confidence at your new found popularity and a spirit of bonhomie, you Twitter more enthusiastically, using a plethora of Twitter apps to enhance your experience.
- You ask questions. You share responses and other Twitticisms from your coolest friends at your blog.
- You become the unofficial ambassador to Twitter novices you like; eagerly offering online followship (yeah, I said followship).
- You learn of new ideas, gain wisdom, build relationships and friendships. You realize you’re leading a surprisingly richer life from wielding such a stupidly simple tool.
How fast do novice Twitterers progress through these stages? For a fossil like me, it took about a year. However, I’ve seen others smash through these stages, in no particular order, in a matter of minutes.
Further, there’s no guarantee that there is any steady progress through these stages. Some folks die at Stage I or II, and never move on. And once you hit Stage 10, you may simultaneously drift into Stage 3– or even 1 or 2 — and go back to 7. All within the twitch of a keystroke.
Right now, I’m at stage #1. Again.
This is not backsliding. It’s interactive.
And it’s all so Twitter, in all its goofy, stupid, profound glory.
It’s changing my life. How has it changed yours?
(I’ll leave my Twitter outcomes for another post…Until then, please let me know how this list resonates with your own Twitter experience: did I forget a few stages? What’s missing? )
PS — And if you want to follow me at Twitter, I would feel so honored! Please do…
The 2 Worst Customer Service Scripts for the Age of Social Media
I’m a long-term customer (soon to be ex!) of two vastly different firms.
- Company A has a so-so service offering.
- Company B has an unique and exceptional product.
However, both companies give stinky customer service. And here’s a key difference in their loathsome customer service approach:
- Company A apologizes profusely and insincerely at every turn.
- Company B apologizes for nothing, while subtly suggesting that I’m an idiot.
Insincere or Supercilious? Both approaches alienate customers.
photo credit: Dashu Pagla
So how do I really know the apologies of Company A are insincere? Here are the signs:
- They send out canned apology letters on a semi-regular basis (”We apologize for any inconvenience…”).
- On the phone, the customer service reps repeatedly “apologize for any inconvenience” as part of a rather obvious script.
- When I ask them to please stop apologizing and tell me how and when they are going to fix problem, they apologize. For apologizing.
This behavior is irksome. If the company was truly sorry, they’d either fix the problem or describe their correction plan. When I asked for the company action plan, the customer service rep apologized (naturally!) but declined my request.
Sigh. Like talkin’ to a wall…
The company’s “stick to the script” policy wastes everyone’s time. No honest communication at the front lines? Why even bother communicating? Indeed — why be a customer at all?
Now, with regard to Company B - what’s wrong with them being right all the time? Isn’t that supposed to fill my soul with confidence and respect at their unfailing superiority? After all, they have a great product — why not expect to be rebuked and treated like an inferior when I schedule face time with their consultants?
- ME: “Hey, I’m concerned. I called your office 3 times last week to schedule an appointment. The last time, Beth said she’d call me back in 20 minutes. It’s been over a week, so I’m wondering what’s up…”
- REP: “You should have called the week before. And last year, we sent a letter telling you so.”
- ME: “As I said, I called last week. Three times. Wanna see my phone records when I come in?”
- REP: “That won’t be necessary. We’ll schedule you for 12:45 on Thursday. You can come in then, or you’ll have to wait until next month.”
- ME: “OK, I’ll work it in.”
- SAME REP, NEXT DAY:”I’m calling to confirm your 4:45 appointment tomorrow.”
- ME: “My appointment is at 12:45 tomorrow.”
- REP: “I made room for you at the end of the day. I remember you requesting that.”
- ME: “I have a Skype recording of our conversation yesterday. Would you like me to play it back for you?”
- REP: (weary sigh): “I’m very busy and don’t have time on my hands like you obviously do. “
- ME: “OK, just take my word for it, then. I’ll be in at 12:45, like we arranged.”
- REP: “We’re really very busy at that time. Much too busy to handle a walk-in.”
- ME: “That’s OK, just move some stuff around. Because that’s what I did yesterday to make room for our appointment.”
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have been so idiotically peckish, but her smug attitude brought out the worst in me. It seems that she, too, stuck to the company script — “Never apologize. And don’t forget to reinforce how busy and important we are…”
Customer Service is a Huge Part of Marketing. OK, I know I’m just ranting now. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know: lousy customer service can destroy a company ’s word-of-mouth marketing — even if the firm has a terrific product. Spend a zillion dollars on an ad campaign, and it can get blown to bits by one receptionist with a snippy attitude.
At the moment, I’m not inclined to recommend either of these firms — just because I don’t like their customer service posturing. So what, you say?
Other folks are not so mum. In the above paragraphs, I could have named the companies. I won’t name names — but many bloggers would have.
Many bloggers do.
The word of mouse of disgruntled bloggers can spread like crazy. Social media is like word-of-mouth on steroids. The quality of your customer service approach can profoundly impact your brand — exponentially. When it comes to customer service in the age of social media — it’s not just bloggers who have access to an RSS soapbox anymore. So be uber-careful! And please remember:
- Scripts aren’t conversations. They demean both parties. No one likes to talk to a wall. Improv skills are essential in the age of social media.
- A superior, can’t-be-wrong attitude brings out the worst in everyone. (I could be wrong about this one, though. But I don’t think so!)
Social skills matter in the era of social media. Empower customer service reps to use their knowledge and social skills to more positively connect with customers.
Social Media: How Much and How Many?
Social media sites are springing up all over the internet.
- How many should you belong to?
- How much time should you allocate to participating at each?
- And how do you measure success?
The answers to the above questions, of course, are:
- How many? 3
- How much time? 7.2 minutes per day
- How to measure success? 10 buckets of cash per site
Yes! I’m being facetious! The real answers are:
- Participate only at sites that facilitate conversations between the people you want to reach
- As much time that is socially appropriate to nurture desirable relationships
- One relationship at a time
Any questions?
ps - Brian Solis offers you a free e-book “The Essential Guide to Social Media”. A succinct, delightful, insightful read. If you had any issues answering the above 3 questions, go ahead and download his book today!
When you don’t need more web traffic…
People ask me about “traffic” all the time. As in:
“Laura, how do I get more web traffic?”
Somewhere, somehow, some folks seem to have forgotten that traffic is undesirable!
Sometimes, lots of traffic is stinky, smelly, and annoying!
Don’t get caught in traffic! There are about a zillion attraction and marketing tactics that can lead to the dubious goal of “more traffic.” Search Engine Optimization (SEO), press releases, ad networks, participating vociferously in social media — the list of online marketing tactics can go on and on. Which ones will work best for you and your site?
That’s where “strategy” comes in. The last thing you want to do is spend your time chasing internet marketing tactics without a strategy in place.
Dogs chase traffic.
Smart business people don’t.
photo credit: thetorpedodog
Take a look at what you’ve got. When business owners bark, “More traffic!” — I encourage them to take a hard look at their stats. Too many times, we find that “more traffic” is a lousy goal. In fact, many times, “more traffic” can be the kiss of death for the business. Why? Consider this all-too-typical scenario:
The Case of the Website Abandoners. Let’s say the website gets X number of visitors per month — yet averages less than 10 seconds per visitor. Further, the stats reveal that over 97% of the site’s visitors never return. So — what’s the point of getting “more traffic” to this site? To scare away even more customers?
What to do instead. When a site suffers from a high rate of abandonment, something’s amiss. It might be a simple technical glitch– or a systemic problem with the structure, content, imagery, navigation, or offer. Next, carefully look at the referring site for the visitors. Did visitors come from an irrelevant link, or a badly placed ad campaign? If a website is turning off visitors when it has only a little traffic , find out what the problem is — and fix it — before aggressively pursuing “more traffic”.
Get off the ego trip. It’s really hard to explain to a Creative Director at an ad agency that we need to tweak a few things at a newly developed site — even if it’s merely A/B testing a headline approach or swapping out some pictures. And it’s even harder to tell a business owner that they have a systemic problem that needs complete re-development. In both cases, this is what I’ve heard (from time to time!):
“Nonsense, Laura — if we only had more of the right people who understand what we’re trying to do here, we’d be fine.
Now, how do we get those people to come to the site?”
Gimmee, Gimmee More Traffic!
Woof! Woof! Woof!
Face the stats. When business owners refuse to face their stats, I’ve discovered there’s not a whole lot that I can do to help them. Web analytics teach us volumes –not just about what works online, but about our offline messaging, brand, competition, and customer behaviors, as well. In fact, web stats can often give you more useful information than what you’d learn in a focus group. After all, it’s real and it’s raw! It’s customer behavior! Your stats don’t lie.
More traffic is not the answer... When a site isn’t resonating with a small audience — the last thing you’ll want is “more traffic!” Instead, set appropriate numeric goals — including acceptable bounce rates, conversion rates, page per visit, time on site, percentage of return visitors — and test how well your site performs with limited visitation. In other words, analyze the heck out of your site!
Tweak, test, repeat. When your site successfully meets numeric goals with a small audience, you’re more likely to be in a position to attract more qualified visitors. Instead of “getting more traffic” — you’re more likely to “attract more customers.”
And isn’t that a much better result?
Watch the Rise and Fall of Blog Subscribers
The Rise and Fall of Blog Subscribers. Do you use Feedburner to burn your blog’s RSS feeds? That’s no surprise. Many blogs do — and with little wonder. Feedburner integrates so many useful tracking, marketing, and optimization tools — it’s almost ridiculous to blog and NOT use Feedburner!
When you’re in your Feedburner console, it’s easy to see the rise and fall of your own blog subscribers under the “Analyze” tab. Now, click on the “Publicize” tab. If you’ve activated either “FeedCount” or “Awareness API” — you’re in for a treat.
Go visit FeedCompare. This site lets you compare the subscription history of any Feedburner feed that has either the “Publicize” or “Awareness API” option activated. You can check your own feed’s subscriber rate over time — and maybe even spy on a few competitors!
What this means. You can check the accuracy of the subscriber claims of quite a few Feedburner feeds. Many times, bloggers deliberately check the “Publicize” or “Awareness API” option — often because they want to show off their superb subscriber numbers.
But a few times, I’ve caught a few sites that have been, ah, fudging their numbers, shall we say? In order to sell advertising, a few blogs boast higher numbers of subscribers than they actually have. FeedCompare lets you accurately check subscriber claims.
If you’d rather not have your own subscriber numbers be available to the general public, you’ll want to uncheck the appropriate options in your Feedburner dashboard. But if you’re selling advertising based on subscribers and growth — it’s a good idea to publish your subscriber numbers, anyway.
And, of course — if you’re selling numbers — you need to be honest about your numbers! Being open and transparent can help you — if you have a great story to tell!
How else will you use tools like Feed Compare?
