The 3 worst B2B holiday emails in 2006…

Posted by Laura Bergells

December 22, 2006

Rant alert! I received some truly horrible B2B holiday emails this December.

How about you?

Here’s my pick for the three worst of the worst:

The Three “Worst of the Worst” B2B Holiday Emails

1. Me-Too! “Oh, dear. I just got a Christmas email in my inbox. We should do one, too!”

That’s the stinkin’ thinkin’ behind most horrible B2B Christmas emails. Last minute, hastily thrown-together drivel. No thought to the audience or the offer…at all.

“We from ____ Company want to thank you for being our customer and wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas…”

And after this rather trite opening, this B2B company (name withheld) wrote about 1500+ words about all the wonderful success they’ve had in 2006.

How offensive! This B2B doesn’t know a thing about me or my family. Then, they wasted my valuable time…and closed by offering me NOTHING. No specials, no coupons, no deals, no sincere warmth. With one email, they clearly demonstrated two things: 1) they don’t know me, and 2) they don’t care about me. If a B2B doesn’t have anything real, personal, or sincere to communicate, then please…don’t send anything at all!

2. Attachments. One B2B actually sent me a big, huge attachment — a coupon for me to print out. Yikes! So much wrong with this! Haven’t these knuckleheads ever heard of the potential for viruses in attachments? Or care about how a big attachment might slow down my mailserver? Or that if I really, really wanted the stupid coupon, they could actually point to it in the body of the email — so that I could download it if/when I had the time? And by linking to the offer the B2B could actually measure the “success” of their wretched offer? This was just dumb, dumb, dumb on so many levels….

But perhaps the worst of all…

3. No opt-out. In the “We Obviously Had Nothing Better to Do This Month” category…I received multiple holiday email invitations from an ad agency/marketing firm. Their plea? They wanted me to participate in their “help us write our Christmas card” wiki campaign. Every week, I would get their ”please help us write our Xmas story” beggary… with no opportunity to opt-out.

As an ad agency, you’d think they’d know better. Ironically, these ”internet marketing wizards” seemed oblivious to the CAN-SPAM Act, which requires an opt-out to all commercial email. And yes, multiple emails sent in weekly succession that tout any supposed “expertise” are not really holiday greetings – they are part of an AD CAMPAIGN.

Ironically, these geniuses were using this approach to not-too subtly promote their ability to use the interactive nature of the internet to “spread holiday cheer.” (See? We know Web 2.0! We do email campaigns!) But here’s the truth…most successful internet marketing firms are way too busy with executing online campaigns in December. The fact that this firm had time for this nonsense IN DECEMBER…and that they executed it so poorly (not to mention illegally!) …speaks volumes about their online marketing abilities.

So for next year, B2B needs to adopt B2C best practices. Think about this truism:

The most successful B2C websites are very strategic about holiday marketing. They have a firm plan in place long before December strikes. Their plan includes tactics, budgets, timelines, tests, and contingencies. They focus on ONE offer as they come down the home stretch. They measure relentlessly for click-throughs and conversions. They adapt their campaigns according to the metrics. They test their messages and ruthlessly plan the timing of messages.

And yes, it should go without saying, but they also obey the law!

OK…the above three were my 3 “Worst Holiday Emails”. Thanks for readin’ my rant! I’m off to enjoy some holiday nog!

Until next time, I would love to read your “worst of the worst”. Feel free to post ‘em below!