Oh, no! The contractions are 7 seconds apart!

Posted by Laura Bergells

May 21, 2007

Several years ago, I wrote the web copy for a mid-sized company. The web team at this firm seemed to like my work. The editorial process went smoothly, and after three rounds of editing, we had a sparkling final draft.

Then, the CEO took hold of the copy.

He kept most everything “as is”, with one notable exception:

He removed every contraction.

Every you’ll, there’s, you’re, it’s, we’re — all gone!

He replaced every contraction with its long form: you will, there is, you are, we are, etc.

oh no

The resulting copy “sounded” clumsy. And although customers seldom actually read web copy aloud, people often read aloud in their heads. That’s just one reason why a conversational style on the web is important. And contractions? Well, they’re less stilted. More friendly.

More conversational.

But from where I sat in my office half a world away from corporate headquarters — I had no idea this was the work of a CEO. I simply couldn’t fathom the top corporate visionary fastidiously plucking out every offending apostrophe and replacing them all with letters.

But apparently, contractions offended this fuzzy little fellow. And no one on the web team had the courage to tell the CEO that he needed to find something better to do with his time.

You know, like lead the company.

So I put myself in the ridiculous position of calling the CEO to try to persuade him to put the contractions back. Unlike the web team, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain — without the contractions, I could not exactly point to the site in my web copy portfolio.

I lost the battle. The CEO would not budge. No contractions, and that was that.

However, the phone call was bizarre on about a dozen different levels. The CEO had sighed and moaned — a lot — during the conversation. I felt there was something quite a bit wrong with him.

Then today, I read this excellent post by Dan Santow about contractions and stuffy, stilted writing — and memories of this web-writing-gone-wrong episode came flooding back. Mr. Santow gave an excellent diagnosis of sites that eschew contractions — and hints that constipation might be a factor.

That would explain the sighing and moaning.

Clearly, my CEO was constipated. Constipated Executive Officer — who knew?

Anyway — about contractions. Don’t be afraid to use ‘em.