iPhones: must be a dude thing.

Posted by Laura Bergells

June 8, 2007

I have to actually turn my head away from the latest iPhone commercial that is running on TV.

It makes me feel nauseated. Really!

The twisting and twirling from horizontal to vertical, the spinning, the fast scrolling, the flashy graphics — it makes me car sick. (Take Dramamine before you watch the iPhone commercial!)

When you consider the typical Apple market, it’s no surprise that the iPhone looks more like a tiny, action-packed video game than a serious communication tool. So who would want to buy these little phallic pukers?

Big surprise. It appears that iPhone marketing is attractive primarily to the wanker dude market — you know, the unemployed late twenty-something sons of upper middle-income families. These are the slackers that live in their parents’ basements and loiter around annoying the rest of us with their flashy, overpriced gadgets.

Oh, MacWorld reports this differently, saying that iPhone-coveters are rich, 30-something males. But you’ll notice that the report says nothing about iPhone users actually being employed — it merely says that the iPhone targets just live in households that earn over $75,000. And that they’re educated and 31.

Yikes. The iPhone ad easily conjures up visions of daddy forking over $500 so that aging sonny boy can pretend to be a bigshot when he forays out of the basement to linger pointlessly at the local coffee shop. Can’t these wankers keep their tiny pseudo-phalluses in the basement — instead of brandishing them in public, where they’ll likely nauseate everybody???